You gonna eat that?

Michael brought home this fascinating book the other day from his school library. It's entitled "A Giant Surprise," by Eve Feldman and boy is it ever a page-turner. This harrowing tale descibes the plight of dear Ms. Keel, who is simply working at home and minding her own business, when her daughter Eve comes home with a giant named Duke. Without even asking! Duke is not just tall, he's an actual giant.

So Duke proceeds to rip off Ms. Keel's roof and "then he pushed out the walls, and he made the house wide," the book explains. But that's not all. Duke the giant plopped himself down on Ms. Keel's rug, placed a sheet around his neck, grabbed a shovel-sized spoon and "he ate and he ATE."

"He ate beef, he ate beans,
He ate corn on the cob.
Ms. Keel went on cooking.
It was such a big job!"

This fantastic piece of literature speaks to my soul in a way I've rarely experienced. Boy can I relate to poor Ms. Keel! You see, my dear 5-year-old son has become just like Duke. He eats and he EATS.

And then he eats some more!

I know all about the teenage eating rampages. I remember well the days of ordering two Big Macs and a large order of fries at McDonalds, and then going right home for dinner. But nobody told me these food barrages would begin at kindergarten.

Thanks for the heads up guys!

Little Michael wakes up uttering the words "I'm hungry, can I have some breakfast?" About 20 minutes later it morphs into "Can I have a snack?" He then proceeds to ask that last phrase approximately 565 times during the next nine hours, following me around the house like a starved puppy.

He's developed an especially annoying delivery, dishing out the words repeatedly with a nasal flourish ... "CanIhaveasnack?CanIhaveasnack?CanIhaveasnack?CanIhaveasnack?CanIhaveasnack?"

I shiver just thinking about it.

Resorting to my go-to parenting tactic (namely trying to ignore him) does absolutely no good. Michael simply waltzes patiently to the refrigerator, grabs the snack he wants, waltzes patiently back and shoves the snack in my face for me to "give to him."

Smart little bugger to boot!

So I empathize with you dear Ms. Keel. You were simply minding your own business. Working contentedly in your little house while wearing your pretty green dress with the weird orange and yellow circle patterns on it. You never asked Duke the giant to come rip off your roof, widen your walls and eat all of your food. I know how you feel Ms. Keel. All that cooking really is such a big job!

Now if you'll excuse me, it's hard to type when a little boy is shoving a banana in your face. Duty calls, kiddies, duty calls.

- Dave