I am beautiful ... in every single way

Oh how I pity you poor people. Slogging through your daily grind without the slightest opportunity to gaze upon the single greatest sight one could ever hope to witness. It's breathtaking, actually. The type of vision usually reserved for the angels floating in heaven.

I'm referring, of course, to my hair.

My brilliant, sassy, ever-flowing and miraculous hair. I'm tearing up right now just thinking about it.

Wars are fought over hair like this. Entire kingdoms demolished and nations toppled. To be in the presence of this hair is to reach nirvana. You lose yourself in hair like this, surrendering to the overflowing joy that its beauty represents.

I'm quite pleased with it myself.

But before I dare venture out of the house and reveal this glorious hair to the world at-large, I thought I would relay the tale of its creation. A tale of miracles and triumph destined to be repeated throughout the land for centuries to come.

The miracle occurred last week during my morning shower. I was halfway through a rousing rendition of "American Woman," using the shampoo bottle as a microphone and reaching full vibrato, when I realized my "microphone" was actually out of shampoo. I immediately stopped singing and focused all of my intellectual powers on solving this dilemma. Around 20 minutes later, a plan of action began to materialize.

Like any good husband, I decided to raid the wife's side of the bathroom cabinet. I searched through the endless piles of lotions and makeup for any deserted bottles of shampoo that may be lurking. Eventually I stumbled upon the blessed bottle of miracles hidden way in the back. I immediately grasped this glorious bottle and ushered the light of the heavens down upon my unsuspecting locks.

I entered the shower that morning a mere mortal and emerged a divine being, if I do say so myself.

Now I spend each day running my fingers through every glorious strand and emphatically tossing my head back and forth in slow motion. If you listen close enough, you can even hear music as I saunter through the room in blissfull euphoria.

So look out world. My miraculous hair and I are about to descend upon the masses. And one more thing: If loving my hair is wrong, then baby you don't want to be right!

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful kiddies!

- Dave

Never fear for Jordan is here

There is an evil (pronounced e-vil) sprinkler monster dwelling in my backyard.

But I am not afraid.

Each night when the moon rises and the stars shine, this monster appears without warning, spraying dangerous waters of doom all over the innocent grass and trees.

But I am not afraid.

There is no reasoning with this instigator of terror. No hiding from its wrath. No escape.

But I am not afraid.

Why you ask? I have a protector. A little furry knight in shining armour sworn to protect me and my family from these forces of evil. Especially the watery evil this sprinkler monster spews forth with such venom.

His name is Jordan, and he spends every ounce of energy in his little Yorkie body fighting this water-gushing foe. No matter how terrifying the ordeal may be.

The moment little Jordie hears the sprinkler monster emerge from the depths of hell each night, he lets out a valiant whimper. He immediately and heroicly runs to the door and scratches for release, blatantly ignoring our desperate cries of, "No Jordie! Don't do it! It's too dangerous!!"

He merely snickers at our cowardice. Once the door is opened, little Jordie runs with all of his might directly at his nemisis. He charges straight into the stream of doom, barking and screaching as the evil waters submerge him. A few additional barks of warning later, little Jordie returns triumphantly into the house. His mission accomplished.

There he stands, soaked to the bone and brandishing a courageous look that says, "I did it guys! I did it for you! Fear not, your hero returns!"

Sure enough, thanks to little Jordie's act of heroism, the sprinkler monster returns to the depths of hell approximately 44 minutes later. We all let out a sigh of relief, knowing that we are safe and shall live to see the sun rise once more.

There is an evil sprinkler monster dwelling in my backyard.

But I am not afraid.

Go get em' kiddies!

- Dave

Moova' Shaka'

I'd like to start out with a grand announcement (so hold on to your cereal!). I am writing this very blog post on my new laptop! That's right. Ole' Dave went and purchased himself a fancy-shmancy portable computer thingy (or as I like to call it, "My awesome baseball, Netflix and Facebook machine"). Now it can be my blog machine as well. Oh the possibilities are endless. Can't you just see the difference in my prose? I realize now how much sitting at a boring desk was holding back my genius. Now I'm mobile baby! I can spew forth my brilliance from the kitchen counter, the patio, even the park. Watch out world, it's time to smell what The Dave is cookin'!

So let's give this a whirl, shall we? I'd like to start my inaugural laptop blog post with a little story about my new source of inspiration. I've been handed the key to happiness in life, and I have none other than Hank Moody to thank for it. If you don't know, Hank Moody is a fictional character on what I consider quite possibly the sleaziest, trashiest, craziest show ever broadcast over the airwaves - Californication. It's absolutely fantastic!!

Hank is a devil-may-care author with a penchant for booze, drugs, rock n' roll and sleazy women. And, of course, he's got a heart of gold. Picture Jack Kerouac living today in Los Angeles, only with a teenage daughter that he adores and an on-again, off-again girlfriend that he worships. This guy is simply the coolest character out there. (Now would be a good time to insert that I am hopelessly addicted to any cheesy soap opera that I watch. Beverly Hills 90210, Felicity, Sex and the City, Weeds, Dallas, I love them all!! It's a sickness. I just can't help myself! I've long ago moved past the point of being ashamed of myself for loving shows like Californication. I've just accepted the fact that God made me this way, and it's his fault. Bring on the sleaze!).

I realized during a marathon session of Season 2 last week that I absolutely worship Hank Moody. And not for the obvious reasons, either. You know, the fact that every supermodel-worthy woman that crosses his path ends up, um, spending quality time with him. I'm a one-woman guy (sorry ladies) and the idea of having "sexual relations" with anyone but April is absolutely laughable.

So, what is it about Hank Moody that leaves me in awe? It finally hit me - The guy lives completely and utterly in the moment. Wherever he is, whatever he is doing, he is THERE! He never worries about the future. When he's with his daughter, he is 100 percent with her mentally. When he's out at some crazy party, he is experiencing everything around him fully. It creates a sort of optimism that is intoxicating. A "anything can happen" attitude that I've always wished I had.

So, in honor of Hank Freakin' Moody, I've spent the past week or so trying to live in the moment. Hank-Moody-up my outlook. And you know what? It's worked! I've been happier than I've been in a long time. When it's time to walk Michael to school, I'm there fully. When it's time to go to some crazy meeting, I'm there fully. When it's time to feed the dog, I'm there fully.

It's amazing. Apparently Thich Nhat Hahn was on to something with his "mindfulness" teachings. I read "The Miracle of Mindfulness" last year, and it really didn't resonate with me. Leave it to my screwed up brain to draw out this same lesson from quite possibly the raunchiest show ever created.

Whatever works, right?

There is one minor drawback from living in the moment, Hank Moody style. As a stay-at-home parent, living Moody style makes it quite easy to forget what day it is. This happened to me last week. I was mindfully spending quality time with my new laptop on Facebook, when suddenly I bolted upright in my chair.

"Crap! It's Wednesday and I'm supposed to pick Michael up from kindergarten early!"

I had about 30 seconds to run out the door and around the block to the school.

Then again, that is exactly what would happen to Hank Freakin' Moody. So I guess I'm on to something after all!

Enjoy life kiddies!

- Dave

Time for some football sermon

It's football season at last!! The long, long summer is over and now everything is about to become right with the world once again! The valiant Boise State Broncos are mere hours away from clashing with the Oregon Ducks on the Blue Turf, and I for one cannot wait!

In honor of this grand occasion, I'm posting a sermon that I presented at the Boise Unitarian Universalist Fellowship a couple of weeks ago. It's all about football! (And some other stuff). So enjoy ... and go Broncos!!

- Dave


Time Has Come Today

By David Ward

It’s easy to make friends in Boise, Idaho. All you need are two simple words. These are magical words, guaranteed to bring about smiles, laughter and sometimes even spontaneous applause. Trust me, it’s uncanny and it’s foolproof. All you have to do is combine the words “Fiesta” and “Bowl” and insert these words into a sentence. Any sentence at all. The reaction you receive is guaranteed to be positive, if not deafening.

Try it sometime and see what I mean. The next time your conversation lags a bit just throw in the phrase “Fiesta Bowl” and you’ll instantly become the life of the party in Boise. Observe this shrewd tactic in action:

“So then I said, ‘No, Bill, X is not the square root of 3.5, don’t be silly!’ The square root of …. Oh never mind … Fiesta Bowl!!”

(The room instantly erupts with cheers such as - “Ya baby!!! Fiesta Bowl baby!!! That’s what I’m talking about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”)

For those not versed in the ways of football geekdom, all of this hullaballoo is referring to the 2006 Fiesta Bowl when the valiant hometown Boise State Broncos upset the heavily favored and mighty Oklahoma Sooners on New Year’s Day in what some experts refer to as “The Greatest Football Game Ever Played.” The Broncos used a “hook-and-ladder” play on fourth down with just seconds remaining to force overtime, and followed with the now infamous “Statue of Liberty” play in overtime to score a two-point conversion and win the game.

Again, for those who don’t live and breathe the pigskin (poor, poor souls), just know that it was REALLY REALLY AWESOME!!

This improbable victory took our little community by storm. The entire city was awash in blue and orange. People cheered in the streets. Strangers hugged like old chums, and impersonating the behind-the-back handoff during the Statue of Liberty play became the standard form of greeting.

Our “little team that could” even caught fire around the nation. Boise State won an “ESPY” award, which is similar to an Oscar for sports teams. The first time I spoke with Robert Fulghum during his visit to our fellowship, he calmly stated “If you’re going to ask me if I’ve seen the Fiesta Bowl, the answer is definitely yes!”

I even saw renowned musician Michael W. Smith impersonate the behind-the-back handoff during a concert at Taco Bell Arena last year. He said it was the most exciting football game he’s ever seen, earning rousing applause from the Bronco faithful in the audience that night.

It was the game that changed everything in Boise, Idaho …. And I was there!
That’s right. My father and I were perched way up in the “nosebleed” section at the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona, screaming our lungs out and living the dream baby! I’ve got the pictures, the ticket stub and the years lost on my life to prove it.

An experience touching upon the holy, if you ask me, and providing memories that will never fade.

But when I think about that fateful night under the Arizona stars, I really don’t reflect on the game itself. Yes it was unbelievably exciting to watch my Broncos, the same team that I cheered throughout my childhood, upset mighty Oklahoma in a nationally televised bowl game. A feat I never thought possible during my childhood days when Boise State was just a second-tier team playing in the Big Sky Conference on a silly blue field.

While I will certainly cherish that game forever, the majority of my “Fiesta Bowl” memories center around the wonderful experiences I shared with my Dad.

When I think about the Fiesta Bowl, I don’t think about the actual game that much. My mind instantly takes me back to a rousing pep rally my Dad and I attended in Tempe on New Year’s Eve. We arrived early and stood in the front row, proudly wearing our finest blue and orange and cheering loudly into the television cameras.

We followed the pep rally by strolling around Mill Avenue, yelling along with the seemingly thousands of Bronco faithful invading Arizona that night. A truly magical way to ring in the new year, if you ask me.

Game day featured a great conversation at Starbucks, followed by a quiet and nervous drive to the stadium. There we stumbled upon a huge outdoor party filled with blue and orange crazies on one end, and red and white Sooner-backers on the other. Bands were playing, cheerleaders were performing, and fans were throwing down hot dogs and beer with gusto. Topping it all off was a gorgeous blue sky and a gigantic high-definition television screen broadcasting the Rose Bowl to the masses.

Heaven on Earth for a couple of college football fans from the mountains of Idaho.

This is the scene my mind broadcasts over and over when I think about the Fiesta Bowl. My Dad and I spending a surreal afternoon chatting, watching football and just spending quality time together in one of the coolest settings you could ever dream up. A wonderful afternoon that serves as a reminder of what this life is truly about.

You see, it’s memories like this one that stick with us throughout our lives. Genuine connections with the people we love the most. As most as our culture focuses on money, goals, gadgets and the latest-greatest thing, I find true happiness only comes through human loving connection.

Wouldn’t you agree?

I was reminded of this fact a couple of months ago while reading a wonderfully inspiring book by Christian pastor Rick Warren entitled “The Purpose Driven Life.” I was breezing through the book, nodding my head in agreement at some points and tisk-tisking in disagreement at others, when I stumbled upon a chapter entitled “What Matters Most.”

From the very first line this chapter spoke to me. It yanked me out of my passive reading, wrapped its arms around me and breathed inspiration right into my very soul. Our minister Elizabeth likes to refer to this phenomenon as an “ah-ha” moment, and I definitely shouted a few “ah-ha’s” while reading this chapter.

They say you should always share your great discoveries, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to share a few highlights from this phenomenal chapter. I feel it gives great insight about focusing on what is truly important in our lives – Namely the love and relationships we share with each other.

Warren begins with one simple line that, in my humble opinion, sums up everything: “Life is all about love.” Five words that clearly state all of my hopes and dreams for what life could and should be, if we would only open our hearts.

He follows with a declaration that loving, especially loving unselfishly, is no easy task. And boy ain’t that the truth! How many times have we thought about visiting somebody, having lunch with somebody, or simply dropping a note in the mail, and then didn’t because something “more important” came up. I know I’ve got my hand raised right now.

Warren states that learning to love unselfishly runs counter to our self-centered nature, and “that is why we’re given a lifetime to learn it.” So there is hope for blokes like me yet!

Warren argues that the best use of life is love. He states that “love is not a ‘good’ part of your life, it’s the most important part.” We must all work at making time for what is really important in our lives. Make time for our children, our parents, our loved ones and our friends. He states that too often we overload our schedule with busy work and our relationships suffer accordingly.

“Busyness is a great enemy of relationships,” Warren says. “We become preoccupied with making a living, doing our work, paying bills, accomplishing goals as if those tasks are the point of life. They are not. The point of life is learning to love – God and people. Life minus love equals zero.”

Let me repeat that: Life without love equals zero.

I realize this chapter does not contain any real newsflashes, but it never hurts to reflect on these universal truths from time to time. To realize that our priorities can become skewed once in a while and we should work hard to prevent this. Mother Teresa expressed this sentiment beautifully when she said, “It’s not what you do, but how much love you put into it that matters.” How you treat other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you can leave on Earth.

I have to admit that I genuinely struggle with this. As a stay-at-home Dad, I am fully aware that I am blessed to share each day with my son Michael. To watch him grow, help him learn and provide him with enough love and support to bring out his shining light. I also realize that I am lucky. Most fathers do not get this opportunity.

I realize this. I do. It’s just that our culture places such an emphasis on money, career and status that I often find myself playing the insecurity game. Think about the first thing people ask you at parties. It’s usually something along the lines of, “So what do you do?” which is code for “What job do you have, what is your social status and how much money do you make?” At least that’s what it sounds like to someone who struggles not to view himself as a 31-year-old unemployed dude who plays video games and watches Netflix (Okay, so I may have shared a wee-bit too much there!).

Our culture programs us to place our priorities in ventures that cannot possibly make us truly happy. True happiness comes from love, and true love cannot be found without human relationships. My wife April absolutely loves her career as an audiologist. She doesn’t exactly “love” the practice of audiology, but she does love the relationships she enjoys with co-workers and patients.

As Warren stated in our contemplation earlier this morning, “I have been at the bedside of many people in their final moments, when they stand on the edge of eternity, and I have never heard anyone say, ‘Bring me my diplomas! I want to look at them one more time. Show me my awards, my medals, that gold watch I was given.’ When life on earth is ending, people don’t surround themselves with objects. What we want around us is people – people we love and have relationships with.”

This statement helps ole’ Dave here snap out of his insecurities and realize the absolute blessing of his life. I think back on the numerous lunch dates Michael and I have had with my parents and grandparents, the baseball games Michael and I have shared at the park, the romps at Rafiki, the library adventures ….and countless other priceless moments we’ve shared together during the past four years.

Experiences I never would have had while working and becoming a “success.” Memories I will clutch close to my heart until my dying day.

Warren says the best way to know a person’s priorities is to examine how they use their time. You only have a set amount of time in this life, and while you can always make more money, you can’t make more time. “When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life. That’s why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time,” Warren says.

Now would be a good time to interject a little story. I clearly remember reading that last statement while sitting at the kitchen table and thinking, “Yes! This is genius! We must give our time. It’s so important. Time! Yes! Genius!”

My brilliant mental declarations were rudely interrupted when I noticed a small hand tapping my shoulder. At first I took no notice of this intrusion and continued with my “ah-ha” moment. The tapping grew more persistent, however, and finally I could no longer ignore it.

“What is it?,” I asked without hiding my annoyance.

“Daddy, I want to play some hockey,” a little voice answered.

About this time I noticed that Michael was standing right next to me wearing his baggy Red Wings jersey and holding his purple junior hockey stick. It’s anybody’s guess how long the little wide-eyed puckster had been trying to get his Daddy’s attention.

Oops!

Warren states that relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is “T-I-M-E.” That’s “T-I-M-E” for certain stay-at-home Dads that need a little reminder now and then!

Warren wraps up his chapter with the simple statement that the best time to love is now. Love matters more than anything else in this life. It needs to take top priority. Warren says, “You have no guarantees of tomorrow. If you want to express love, you had better do it now.”

Everyone can attest to the blinding speed of life. Little Michael just celebrated his fifth birthday. I have absolutely no idea how that is even possible. I remember taking him home from the hospital, and desperately trying to figure out where that parenting manual was hidden. That was just a couple of months ago, wasn’t it? I remember his first steps, first words, first time programming his own home page (I’m not kidding). He’s starting kindergarten this fall and I know that college is just a blink away.

Waiting for the “right time” to express your love is futile. Please don’t wait. Let the people you care about know that you love them. If they’re here with you this morning, turn to them right now and say “I love you.” If they’re not, give them a call or send them an email. Remember that love is what matters most. Love takes top priority.

The final paragraph of my “ah-ha” chapter sums everything up with three simple sentences. “The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.” I think this is pure genius. When I think back on my life, the scenes I remember most all involve sharing time with loved ones.

Sharing a laugh.

Sharing a tear.

Just sharing.

This is what life is about, and I am so glad that I stumbled upon this chapter when I did. You might recall that last year about this time I stood on this very podium and announced that I was going to be applying to seminary to pursue a career in Unitarian Universalist ministry.

I spent the following year serving on numerous committees, leading a pledge drive and taking in all of the wisdom that my loving minister could provide. I even ventured off and preached sermons at fellowships in Pocatello and Twin Falls. It was an exciting and eye-opening experience that stirred my professional desires and ignited my passion for speaking, writing and working with others.

Yet the more I considered an exciting and “successful” career as a UU minister, a few annoying little facts kept surfacing in my mind. Going to seminary would require uprooting my family and moving away from my hometown and all of my relatives. This would force April to quit a job that she loves and is located just five minutes from our house.

We would also have to pull Michael out of his wonderful special-needs program at his school. A program that took us a year to get him qualified for and has absolutely improved his life academically and socially. We would be taking Michael away from his grandparents, great grandparents, his beloved Aunt Melissa and his entire support network at an extremely crucial age.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that a decision to pursue seminary at this time in my life would be selfish at best. Once I read Warren’s wonderful chapter on “What Matters Most,” I knew what I had to do. I decided then and there that I could not apply to seminary at the expense of my family. It was the toughest decision I’ve ever made, and frankly I’m still dealing with the emotional fallout.

But I know it’s the right decision.

Life is all about love. I love my family. I love Tuesday night dinners with my in-laws. I love lunches with my grandparents. I love Sunday barbecues with my parents. I love indoor hockey sessions with my son. I love watching dreadfully awful television dramas with my wife. I love cheering my beloved Broncos on a blistery autumn afternoon with my Dad.

I love my life and I give thanks to God for all of my blessings.

Speaking of football, I’m happy to announce that my Dad and I will be attending every Boise State home football game this fall. I can’t wait to create some new memories in the same stadium we’ve been going to since I was a little boy. There should be plenty of hot dogs, cheering, Bronco victories, and if we’re really lucky we might even see another …. wait for it …. FIESTA BOWL!!!!!

(Yah!!! Whooohoooo!!!! That’s what I’m talking about!!!!!!!!!)