Let's culturize ya!

All right everybody, gather 'round the table. It's time for ole' Uncle Bud to read from the newspaper. Hey! Stop groaning. It's for your own good, now. Y'all need a little culture. Just let me slip on my spectacles ... there we go ... and we're off.

(Crinkling of paper as Bud sifts through the front page)

Mmmmm .... let's see now. Oh, here we go. It says here the honorable Rep. Steven Thayne has come out against regulations for daycare and preschool facilities in Idaho. Well I'll be! What's more, he's set up a "Family Task Force" to bring back the "traditional family values" of the 1950's. It appears our honorable representative and his buddies don't want women leaving the house. Don't get me started! He calls daycare a "free babysitting service" and says that families are best when Mommy stays home with the youngsters. Oh boy, check this out! He blames just about every bad thing he can think of on the fact that the "traditional" family's gone down the drain. Everything from gangs to drugs. You tell 'em Stevy!!

Now that reminds me. Ladies, you needn't worry your pretty little heads over these here news items. Why don't you step out of the room for a spell and check on the kids. Oh, and if it's not too much trouble, could you whip up some of them wonderful sandwiches. Stay beautiful, ya here!

(More crinkling as Uncle Bud resumes sifting)

Now, where was I. Oh yeah. Reading about how the world would be one big happy square dance if women would just stay home and take care of the kids. Boy we sure do have some unique thinkers in Idaho. Put Thayne next to Larry "wide stance" Craig, and Bill "I vote against health care for kids" Sali, and you've got yourself one pack of trail blazers! Yessirree!

Oh look, it says here that Thayne's son was arrested for domestic violence recently. Seems he gave his wife a little attitude adjustment when she called a guy on the TV "cute." Well, I guess "traditional" is as "traditional" does. Or something like that.

(A few snores erupt as several onlookers begin to drift off to dream land)

HEY ... WAKE UP .... I'M JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD PART

(Crinkling. Sifting)

Ah yes. Here we go .... baseball and fishing! The two most important subjects on God's green Earth. It says here that a "Mitchell Report" came out recently, accusing all kinds of major leaguers of juicing up with steroids. Well, no shit sherlock!! You mean those guys needed "help" to launch baseballs into orbit and return from "career-ending" injuries in three weeks? Really? Next you'll tell me this "Mitchell Report" found that adult entertainers also use "body enhancers" to up their performance. Or that when college football coaches scream, "I am NEVER leaving this school! I can't believe you would dare insinuate such a thing," it's actually an old Egyptian phrase that roughly translates to "Let's get this over with. I've got to get home and finish packing my bags, before departing under cover of night."

(More crinkling, sifting and snoring)

What was I talking about again? Oh well, let ole' Uncle Bud leave you with a little token of advice. This comes courtesy of the esteemed Patrick McManus.

Ahem ... "The two best times to fish is when it's rainin' and when it ain't."

Now where are those sandwiches?

AND ..... SCENE!

- Dave

(Be good kiddies)

Introductions are in order

Greetings world! Or, rather, hi Mom. Hi April.

Much like the title suggests, this blog is composed by an extremely bored stay-at-home Dad who finally ran out of ways to pass the time. For the record, my name is David Ward and I live in Eagle, Idaho, with my lovely wife, April, and three-year-old son Michael. April spends her days as an important manager at an Audiology Clinic. I, on the other hand, roam the not-so-vast halls of Casa Ward changing diapers and scooping dog food. Living the dream, baby!!

Michael is an incredible kid (bias alert!) who currently spends his days playing hockey. Lots of hockey! His passion for the puck is unsurpassed. What started as a fun pastime with a pair of plastic hockey sticks has morphed into a 24-hour passion. He spends each day wearing his favorite over-sized Colorado Avalanche jersey (or Detroit Red Wings, depending on his mood) and a red Elmo bicycle helmet (Santa has not arrived yet with a real hockey helmet, but my sources tell me one is definitely on the way!). He waltzes through the house hoisting his official purple Easton hockey stick that Mommy taped up just like the real pros, blasting rubber pucks with gusto.

One quickly learns to ignore the sensation of small objects bouncing off them in our house.

Upon reading this, one may ask just how I came upon this glorious existence. Well, I'm glad you asked! I spent my college days convinced I was going to set the world on fire as a sports writer. I held the illustrious position of Sports Editor for the student newspaper at Idaho State University. Following that came a stint as a beat reporter for the Bengal football team at the Idaho State Journal in Pocatello. I ended up working for several different newspapers in both Idaho and Arizona, covering everything from NFL football to rec league basketball. It took me less than five years to discover that the life of a sports reporter is not a life at all ... if you want to have a family.

The combination of horrible pay, horrible hours and horrible everything else left me burned out and depressed. I "flamed out" as it were, and ended up staying home with Michael after he was born. April made triple my salary and was actually happy, so we defied traditional sexist roles and there you go.

Aren't you glad you asked? Well, it's three years later and Michael is about ready for preschool. He's had some delays with his development (not my fault, despite what you might think), but we feel he'll soon be ready to join the ranks of finger painters and snack eaters. This leaves me with a "WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO!" conundrum. I guess I'll keep ya posted.

For now, I plan to ramble on in this blog. I don't expect it to have any rhyme or reason. It probably won't make sense at times, but it's my blog and so there!

Until next time, be good kiddies!

- Dave