Identity Crisis

I don't think I know just who I am anymore.

I used to know. It wasn't even a question. I knew exactly who I was and what I stood for. If someone came up to me and asked me THE QUESTION, namely "boxers or briefs?" I always knew who I was.

I was a boxers man and plenty proud of it.

No "tighty-whities" for me. No sir! I liked to be free and spacious. Let the boys have some room to breath. Let life hang loose, and all of the other disgusting phrases I can come up with right now to make you lose your lunch! Ha!

I was a boxers man through-and-through. But now I'm questioning everything. Has my life been a lie? Have I been denying my true identity? Does Coke Zero really have more regular Coke taste?

You see, I've been introduced to what the kids call "boxer briefs," and I just don't know what to do about it. This nasty little invention combines the uncombinable. It actually takes briefs and makes them boxer-like. On the flip-side, this invention makes boxers sorta briefy. You get the idea.

Anyway, I tried them on today for the first time and I actually kind of like them. They're new and different. Like the first time I tried Dippin Dots at the mall instead of my usual ice cream sundae. It was good but so very, very scary and strange.

So now when people come up and ask me THE QUESTION (as they so often do), what exactly am I supposed to say? Both? Yes? Can you please repeat the question?

I think I need to lie down.

Stay true to yourself, even if you don't have the slightest idea who you are, kiddies!

- Dave