April and I had a wonderful dinner with our friend Nicole last night. The subject of having kids popped up during the course of our conversation. Nicole and her husband Scott are preparing to make "the leap" and have kids of their own. They've been married for nearly two years and they both want to start a family. If, that is, they can get past the fear of having a family!
Nicole expressed her fears about parenthood. All of the usual terrors that everybody secretly harbors in their minds when first contemplating creating and caring for actual human life. Whether they admit it publicly or not.
"What if I'm not a good parent?"
"What if I lose my identity?"
"I can't take care of myself, how am I going to raise a child?"
I found this conversation fascinating, because I had forgotten all about these pre-parenting terrors. I've been so immersed in raising Michael for five years that I have completely forgotten what it was like to be me P.M. (Pre Michael). All of the anxiety. All of the stress. All of the uncertainty.
It all came rushing back in our living room last night. April and I are currently planning on having another child, and even though I should know better, I found myself succumbing to some of these fears yet again.
"You're right," I thought, "What if I am a bad parent? What if my kid turns out to be a serial killer? What if I ruin this poor helpless child's life? Oh me! Oh my!"
Panic stricken, I gulped for air. It was at this exact moment that I noticed a certain brown-haired and smiling 5-year-old watching "Angelina Ballerina" on the computer. He was laughing to himself and filled with a joy that comes so easy to little tykes. A joy we should all emulate.
I realized while watching him that I have raised Michael for five years now without any clue what I'm doing. I've never been around little kids or babies before, and you can be sure that parenting has not come "naturally" for me. Yet Michael has persevered through my lack of parenting expertise with flying colors. He's a smart, loving, caring, respectful young man who designs computer web pages and snuggles with his "Wuff Wuff." I have no idea how this happened, but it did.
I truly believe that the best advice I can give couples contemplating "the leap," is to keep it simple stupid! Give your kids love. Give them support. Give them security. Give them freedom to be themselves and to grow.
If you focus on this, you'll be just fine.
Besides, I'm the same guy who once drove through Pocatello going the wrong way on a one-way street (not realizing it and honking at all of the "stupid idiots" I thought were going the wrong way). I've also microwaved a hot dog that was wrapped in foil (oh the sparks and the flames. It was so beautiful!). So If I can do this parenting thing, anybody can.
Trust me kiddies!
- Dave
P.S. If you're reading this Nicole and Scott, I have total confidence that you guys will be amazing parents.
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