Oh how I pity you poor people. Slogging through your daily grind without the slightest opportunity to gaze upon the single greatest sight one could ever hope to witness. It's breathtaking, actually. The type of vision usually reserved for the angels floating in heaven.
I'm referring, of course, to my hair.
My brilliant, sassy, ever-flowing and miraculous hair. I'm tearing up right now just thinking about it.
Wars are fought over hair like this. Entire kingdoms demolished and nations toppled. To be in the presence of this hair is to reach nirvana. You lose yourself in hair like this, surrendering to the overflowing joy that its beauty represents.
I'm quite pleased with it myself.
But before I dare venture out of the house and reveal this glorious hair to the world at-large, I thought I would relay the tale of its creation. A tale of miracles and triumph destined to be repeated throughout the land for centuries to come.
The miracle occurred last week during my morning shower. I was halfway through a rousing rendition of "American Woman," using the shampoo bottle as a microphone and reaching full vibrato, when I realized my "microphone" was actually out of shampoo. I immediately stopped singing and focused all of my intellectual powers on solving this dilemma. Around 20 minutes later, a plan of action began to materialize.
Like any good husband, I decided to raid the wife's side of the bathroom cabinet. I searched through the endless piles of lotions and makeup for any deserted bottles of shampoo that may be lurking. Eventually I stumbled upon the blessed bottle of miracles hidden way in the back. I immediately grasped this glorious bottle and ushered the light of the heavens down upon my unsuspecting locks.
I entered the shower that morning a mere mortal and emerged a divine being, if I do say so myself.
Now I spend each day running my fingers through every glorious strand and emphatically tossing my head back and forth in slow motion. If you listen close enough, you can even hear music as I saunter through the room in blissfull euphoria.
So look out world. My miraculous hair and I are about to descend upon the masses. And one more thing: If loving my hair is wrong, then baby you don't want to be right!
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful kiddies!
- Dave
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment