I've spent the past week pouring over ways to kick off my blog with a bang now that the new year has arrived. I've been so busy suffering nervous breakdowns at Stewardship and Board meetings these past few months that I've completely neglected my little on-line confessional. And let me tell you, my reader is not happy about it! (Sorry Mom).I considered opening with a stirring reflection on this past year. How I've grown in so many ways, blossomed in areas I never thought possible. How I went from a depressed stay-at-home Dad with nothing on his calendar besides NCAA football conquests on the Playstation, to conducting speeches in front of hundreds of people, serving on a Board of Directors and earning the respect of college professors, congressmen and even a state supreme court justice. Who knew? It really would have been something. A real tear-jerker requiring a few boxes of kleenex. Pulitzer worthy, I'm sure.
Oh well. That was before I discovered possibly the greatest invention in the history of mankind! An innovation so profound, so unbelievably life-altering, that I simply thrust everything aside to sing its praises.
Ask yourself - Do you ever get curled up with a blanket on the couch, and then have to get up and go to the bathroom? What happens? Why, you have to take the blanket off and get cold and stuff. It sucks.
How about this - Do you ever go to the ole' ballgame and think, "Boy, I wish I had a blanket that fit over me like a jacket and made me look like a cross between a Jedi Knight and a Monk?"
Well stop dreaming Pedro voters. Your wildest dreams are coming true. The Snuggie is here!! And, yes Napolean Dynamite, it is flippin' sweet! It looks awesome. It's, it's incredible!
I heard Jim Rome cracking jokes about the Snuggie during his radio show last week, but it wasn't until I actually saw the commercial for this bad boy myself that I realized the sheer magnitude of its awesomeness! It's a blanket. No, it's a jacket. No, it's both. I'm getting that special feeling just thinking about it. It's 1982 all over again!
I haven't been this excited since I heard about the delicious plastic bass that sings "Don't worry, be happy," while hanging on your wall. Or the time I spent the summer hunting wolverines with my uncle in Alaska, using a frickin' 12-gauge, what do you think! Move over pet rock. Step aside juicer machine. Make room knives that will amputate your arm with just a flick of the wrist. There is a new sheriff in town and it's more badass than a lyger. Or Uncle Rico's video.
Just check out this blurb from the website -- "Blankets are okay, but they slip and slide." Gosh!
"Plus your hands are trapped inside." Idiot!
Thank the good lord that we now live in a world where slip-slidy blankets are no more, and our hands will never be trapped inside again. We can finally "enjoy a snack while staying snuggly warm," and we'll always be "cozy and warm at sporting events." These assurances were made by an inconspicuous lady's voice while I was checking out the website. And it wasn't creepy at all.
Thank you Snuggie. I can die in peace. Now ... give a pull on this gen-u-wine tupperware. Go ahead, give it a pull.
There is more where that came from, kiddies, if you go to the dance with me.
- Dave
P.S. Above is a photo of Michael looking flippin' sweet in his penguin snuggie thingy. It's not the actual Snuggie, but it's still awesome.
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