Animal House

My wife is an animal lover. Not an animal liker. Lover. As in - She loves animals so much that we can't be without them for any reason whatsoever.

Before we were married I would find new animals at her house nearly every month. There was a rabbit, a ferret, a guinea pig, several cats (both in the house and out on the porch), and of course her childhood dog and cat at her parents' home.

During our time living together (Both married and unmarried. Yes we lived in sin. Don't tell any one.) we've had birds, cats, fish and dogs. I like the little critters. I really do. It's just that sometimes they become a wee-bit overwhelming.

Take these past two weeks. April brought home a beautiful Yorkshire Terrier puppy and we named him Jordan. He was 10-weeks old, bright eyed and ready to attack the world. Literally. I loved him at first sight. How could you not? Just look at the photo in my blog posting singing his praises. He was the cutest little puppy with a lively personality, and he was absolutely wonderful around Michael. And here's the clincher - The fur on the top of his head is gray. It matches my gray hair perfectly. It's like we're soul mates (or at least a couple of really good lookin' studs!).

I loved having him around. I just didn't realize the chain reaction Jordan's presence would have on the tender animal ecosystem in our home. For starters, our cat Meiko was absolutely distraught. She spent nearly a week glaring at us and devised an absolutely evil scheme to gain her revenge. Our lovable kitty Meiko resorted to chemical warfare against us. That's right - She dropped poopy bombs all over the house. She deployed an attack in little Michael's room and in the kitchen.

After wiping baby bottom for the past four years, I'm pretty immune to the effects of poopy. But something about wiping up kitty poo off the floor sent me into a rage that nearly led to a 911 call. Lets just say I didn't handle the situation very well.

Then a few days ago Jordan severely scratched Kiki's nose during their morning brawl session. The scratch left poor Kiki bleeding and swollen. We took her to the vet and they immediately wanted to send a sample of the scratch in for cancer tests. Apparently it's not normal to have a scratch the size of a walnut on a dog's nose. Fortunately the tests came back negative, so we're in the clear there. But we can't seem to keep the two dogs from brawling, so Jordan keeps reopening the wound.

The absolute apex came last night. Jordan decided to wake up at approximately 3:30 a.m. That's right, kiddies, that's 3:30 in the a.m.! April let him out to pee, expecting him to go back to sleep. No such luck. The little guy thought he was in college, and wanted to par-tay till the sun came up. He whined and barked inside his kennel for nearly an hour before April finally put him in a small play-pen in the family room. Well you can guess how that ended up. He barked and howled for nearly two more hours while I tried to pretend like I was sleeping. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't riot in front of our house with pitch forks. I would have!

I'm an easy-going guy. I just have one rule in life - I NEED MY SLEEP!! Losing sleep when Michael was a baby was so traumatic for me that my mind chooses not to remember it. I have no intention of repeating this. Now or any time in the future. So if little Jordan doesn't start sleeping, we're going to have some real issues.

So basically I've spent the past two weeks cleaning up puppy poo and kitty poo, tending to my older dog's swollen and bleeding nose, and listening to the wonderful songs of barking and howling through the dead of night.

It's a good thing April is beautiful, smart, funny, my best friend and the love of my life. She's going to need all of those brownie points if this continues.

Stay sane kiddies!

- Dave