One pill makes you larger ... and one pill makes you small

I thought I'd share some remarkably disturbing events at the Ward castle this past week. Everything started out nice and normal, but unforeseen circumstances left me fearing for my life and questioning my sanity. Hooked yet? Well .... here goes:

Our tale begins during a routine visit to Michael's allergist. April and I spent several minutes explaining how Michael has endured a wee-bit of trouble with his allergies this spring. If you consider coughing all night and emptying entire stores of their kleenex supplies a "wee-bit" of trouble. Our allergist noted all the trouble in her chart and gave us samples of two different allergy drugs. We were instructed to try them out and report back.

The first drug, unfortunately, had exactly zero effect. Michael continued to sniffle, sneeze and wheeze his way through life. After four days of using the first drug known as "Clarinex," April and I made the fateful decision to switch to a drug that will forever be known among the Ward family as the "Evil Pills." A decision that will go down in parenting lore.

The actual name of the drug is "Singulair," and it comes in bright blue packages. Just an innocent looking box of pink chewable tablets that taste like candy ... AND UNLEASH THE POWER OF SATAN ON TODDLERS!!

The first couple of days Michael took his pill and went about the day in his normal fashion. A happy, if somewhat bored, toddler living the dream in the suburbs. By the third day, however, I began noticing subtle changes in his personality. These changes were so discreet, it took my highly-skilled detective expertise to snuff them out.

Michael's eyes locked into a hard, cold stare. His posture grew stiff and his hands clenched tightly into fists. He began throwing tantrums at EVERYTHING, spewing out diatribes of woe such as, "I hate you, I hate everyone, I hate this, I HATE EVERYTHING!!!!!" Whenever I asked him to do something, he would simply shout "NO!" and proceed to cry for an hour.

The final straw occurred when I scolded him for his latest jaunt toward trouble, and he proceeded to start punching me in the arm and chest. Keep in mind that Michael is approaching his fourth birthday and I've never really had to spank him. It's not that I've declared "I shall never spank my son," or anything of the sort. It's just that I haven't HAD to spank him. I've never really had a reason to. His "bad" behavior (before the Evil Pills) simply consisted of meltdowns and tantrums that halted after a five-minute "time-out" period in his room. He has always been a pleaser (thank goodness).

After my precious boy began wailing on me like Rocky in a prizefight, it suddenly dawned on me ... "Holy crap, this kid is a brat! I'm going to have to start spanking him." I began wondering what caused such a sudden change in his behavior. Why I was envisioning scenes from "Children of the Corn," while the theme music from "The Omen" was blasting through my head. One particularly terrifying thought followed when I wondered how long it would take little Michael to realize there were knives in the kitchen.

That's when I knew we had a problem.

As fate often works, April and I ran into some friends at a wedding later that evening. When we relayed our sad tale, they were not surprised at all. Their youngest child had the same reaction to the Evil Pills, and some friends of theirs also had a rather negative reaction. It appears this drug has a few side-effects that don't sit well with young children. Namely, anger, depression and impatience. I'm not saying this happens to all children who take it. Perhaps these three cases are entirely in contrast to what normally happens. But I do find it odd that we just happened to hear about kids that had the exact same reaction as Michael while taking the Evil Pills.

So the next day we took Michael off the medication, and it wasn't long before the future mass-murderer disappeared and our loving son returned. That gust of wind you felt last Monday evening was April and I sighing with relief!

I just wanted to relay this tale to any and all parents of small children. If your child is taking Singulair and he or she starts acting strangely, picking out Michael Myers masks and asking for chain saws, please know that they may be having an adverse reaction to this medication. If you take them off these pills, and they still hover in your bedroom doorway at night uttering "Sleep tight Daddy, heheheh!!," well, then you're on your own!

Be safe kiddies!

- Dave