Why hello there gimme money

When last we left off, I was relaying the tale of my transformation from bored stay-at-homer, to completely overwhelmed aspiring-minister-er. My tale of woe included the upwards of 3,000 committees that I had joined in the span of a week. Nothing has changed on that front. Last week I attended four different committee meetings on four consecutive nights. I exited the last meeting convinced my name was Captain Stewardship hailing from the planet Hymnal and sworn to protect Religious Education Directors throughout the Pacific Northwest Region. Or something.

But the tale gets even better, kiddies. Oh much better indeed! A couple of weeks ago I attended a super high-falutin' meeting with our Board President and the Financial Consultant at a fittingly high-falutin' hotel. I was feeling rather high-falutin' myself as I passed through the plush lobby, with its fancy chairs and nap-inducing jazz music. Little did I know that I was walking directly into a trap.

My interpretation of the meeting was as follows - I would sit down with the President and Consultant and breathe in their wisdom as they heroically hashed out a plan lead our church into financial bliss. I would make witty comments like, "That is a brilliant idea!" and "Yes, I agree."

The actual meeting materialized quite differently. After exchanging pleasantries, the President and Consultant stared straight at me and said, "We would like you to chair the upcoming spring pledge drive." And they said it with a straight face. After I finished choking on my high-falutin' coffee, I managed to turn a shade of white usually reserved for bed sheets.

"Do you have any questions or concerns about this?," the Consultant asked in his best Dr. Phil tone.

"Well," I responded,"I don't know anything about fund raising, and I hate money."

"Oh that's fine. We'll be here to help you," was his response. At least I think that was his response. I couldn't hear very well over the ringing in my ears.

So that is how a stay-at-home Dad, who never made more than $12 an hour as a sports journalist, was put in charge of a spring pledge drive for a church boasting more than 350 members and friends. This should end well, don't you think?

Also, while I'm rushing to different meetings every night, and pulling my hair out trying to figure out what I'm doing, April has managed to land a new job. The GREAT news is that she will be working in a brand new office just five minutes from our house. This will eliminate the two hours of commuting each day at her current job. The BAD news is that she's currently trying to manage both her old office and her new one simultaneously. And her boss has been too busy taking rafting trips to offer any assistance.

You can imagine the fun times at our house each evening. Dad pacing the hallways and mumbling to himself about pledge forms, personal visits and brochures. Mom is a few steps behind uttering phrases like, "Why haven't the chairs come in yet?," and "Red? Why would they paint the walls red?!"

The worst part about all of this craziness is that poor little Michael has entered into a "What are we going to do today?" stage. He follows me around asking one question, "What are we going to do today?" This sounds fairly simple, right? Just answer his question and all will be well. If only it were that simple.

"We're going to color some pictures," I answer.

"What are we going to do after that?," Michael responds without missing a beat.

"Um, read some stories," I answer again.

"What are we going to do after that?"

And round and round it goes. Eventually Michael starts crying in dismay. Not because he doesn't want to color pictures. But because you can't think of what he is going to do after coloring pictures, reading stories, eating a snack, playing at the park, residing the house, painting a masterpiece, counting every jelly bean in a jar, sorting the counted jelly beans by color, memorizing Gone With the Wind, and establishing peace in the Middle East.

It's safe to say I am no longer bored. Which is a good thing, I guess. I'll leave you today with one final question -

Do ya got any money kiddies?

- Dave