Bombs Ahoy

I have absolutely Earth-shattering news to share with you this afternoon. News so wonderful, so extremely mind-blowing, that all of us at the Ward castle are pinching ourselves in wonder. In fact I've avoided writing about this for nearly a week, in fear of jinxing the whole thing.

Little Michael is finally and assuredly a fully-functioning toilet user (if you catch my drift)! He no longer needs special padded devices around his tushy when nature comes a-callin' (if you know what I mean). He knows exactly "Who Number 2 works for!," as Austin Powers so eloquently stated (if you see where I'm going with this).

Those without children cannot possibly grasp the tear-inducing joy this particular accomplishment produces. "So what? You're kid can sit on the throne. Big deal!," you say to yourself in blissful ignorance.

Well, after three to four years of shelling out $17 every two weeks for the privilege of wiping bottoms and "cleaning up the mess," watching your little bundle of joy sit on the potty and tend to business ranks up there with wedding days, graduations and every Christmas gift you cherish from childhood.

Just trust me on this.

The Ward castle endured a rather lengthy battle with little Michael on this particular issue. Far past the time when he should have mastered the art of the toilet, Michael decided he would only make half the journey. He agreed to use the toilet for Number One. He steadfastly refused, however, to part with diapers when the time came for Number 2. He adopted a lawyer's grit, citing Supreme Court cases and several state laws to make his argument. April and I felt helpless against his stubborn refusals and witty banter.

We tried everything. Stickers. Praise. Mini-toilets. Free tickets to the Super Bowl. Nothing worked. He simply refused to sit on the toilet. Just when all hope seemed lost, and I was trying to figure out a way for Michael to obtain a college degree while taking "diaper breaks," little Michael nonchalantly strolled up and announced, "Daddy, I want to go poo-poo in the toilet."

More beautiful words were never uttered. I wiped the tears from my eyes and hooked up his "Go Diego Go" toilet seat with lightning speed. My hands shaking with suspense. Michael casually sat down, grabbed his toy laptop computer, and went to work. It was glorious!

So now I've got a drawer full of unneeded diapers and a heart filled with love and pride. Little Michael has done it! My boy has done it!!!!!

Count your blessings, no matter how trivial or how small, kiddies

- Dave