I thought I would direct my rant today at a rather curious phenomenon occurring around my house. It appears the streets in my neighborhood have been overtaken by serious bike riders. And I mean SERIOUS! I'm sure most of you would acknowledge that bike riders take to the streets with gusto each spring. Lots of you surely partake in this wonderful pastime.
But the riders around my neighborhood have taken the practice to an entirely new level. You see, riders around here don't just slap on a helmet, jump on the bike and go. Oh no! These people spend what must take at least 30 minutes dressing up like they are ready to cross the finish line at the Tour de France! They slip on obscenely bright yellow spandex shirts covered in logos. They wear matching spandex shorts with equally matching logos. They have special bike-riding socks, shoes and gloves. Some of them shave their leg hair to become more "aerodynamic." All of this for a short jaunt through the neighborhood, mind you!
This practice fascinates me. Why do they go to such lengths to simply ride a bike? Are they living out some long-lost professional biking fantasy? Do they pretend to be Lance Armstrong while they whip past neighbors mowing lawns and cleaning out gutters? Do these same people slip on official Los Angeles Lakers jerseys, complete with top, shorts, warm-up suit, ankle tape, goggles, and arm bands, to shoot baskets in the driveway? Do they don shoulder pads, cleats, helmets and eye-black to play catch with a football in the back yard?
Bike-rider guy, if you're out there, please explain! I'm dying to know!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to throw on my official Dale Earnhardt Jr. racing uniform and drive to the store.
Race on kiddies!
- Dave
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