Goin' down in a blaze of glory

Have you ever heard the expression, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Well, I'd like to add my own little contribution. Something like, "If your toddler has a cold and a fever, ain't nobody else happy neither!"

Yeah, that about sums up this past week. Our adorable little Michael contracted a nasty spring cold last Sunday evening. His nose sprung a permanent leak and his eyes turned a lovely shade of red. His voice raised three octaves and his thriving four-year-old vocabulary shrunk to just four words .... "I need a KLEENEX!!!"

I spent the entire week glued to Michael's side wiping his nose and drying his eyes. Oh, and there were plenty of tantrums to endure. Wouldn't want to forget about those! Lovely times all around, I assure you.

His fever lasted nearly three days and his nose insists on running non-stop even as I type this. After four days of continuous wiping, I finally crossed my fingers and initiated a showdown I had been putting off for some time. That's right -- I finally insisted that little Michael wipe his own nose!!

Now, you might be saying to yourself, "Why wouldn't a kid nearly four years old wipe his own nose already?" My answer is that I am a terrible parent, and you are wonderful, and I could never live up to the lofty standards that you in all of your perfect glory have established ... NOW BACK OFF!!!

Okay, I feel better. So the showdown went down just like I imagined it. Michael proceeded to scream and cry for several hours, setting off a rash of 911 calls from the neighbors. Apparently they figured that amount of screaming could only be produced through sheer torture. Michael and I had several exchanges fit for a Hallmark card. Here's a sample:

Michael: "Daddy, I need a kleenex! I need a kleenex! I need a kleenex! I need a kleenex!"

Me: "Michael, get it yourself! Get it yourself! Get it yourself! Get it yourself!"

Can't you just hear the violins playing in the background? All we needed were some six-shooters and a dusty road in front of the old saloon. You can guess how this little showdown ended. That's right, I ended up wiping Michael's nose while simultaneously texting my shrink. It doesn't take long to figure out who wears the pants in this family!!

So that was my week. How was yours?

Keep the tissues handy kiddies!

- Dave