Allow me the pleasure of enlightening you with a juicy news nugget. You see, last night Michael decided to stop wearing diapers and start wearing underwear!!
To experience the full effect of that last sentence at the Ward castle, please reread it, only this time imagine the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing "HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!" during each beautiful word! For more than a year Michael has engaged in a defiant underwear strike. He refused to even discuss the possibility of taking off his diapers and wearing underwear.
We tried all the tricks in the book. We told him that only "little boys and babies" wore diapers, and that he needed to wear underwear to be a "big boy." Michael's response -- "I don't want to be a big boy. I wear diapers!" Smart kid!
April and I had just about given up hope when the little stinker called a press conference in his room and officially announced the change. There were tears of joy as little Michael finally slipped on his blue "Cars" undies, featuring the infamous Lightning McQueen.
I must say this development eases my worries a little. I had this terrifying vision of tossing him the car keys so he could drive to the store and buy his diapers. Another vision involved Michael standing at a podium in a packed lecture hall. "It is my great honor to accept this Nobel Prize," Michael says in the vision. "Through hard work, dedication and perseverance, I can now say that we live in a world without cancer. Now, if everyone would please leave the room, I have to go poopy in my diaper."
Moving along in the news department, I had the distinct misfortune of watching a 3-year-old endure an allergic reaction to nuts today. Just a few short hours ago. Here's a blow-by-blow for this sort of thing, in case you're interested. First, the little guy comes up to you and screams "My tummy hurts!" with enough ferocity to kick off a minor earthquake. Next, he develops hives all over his body and begins to get woozy. His grand finale involves throwing up in a trash can.
Time out for a second.
As you might have noticed, I tend to deal with life through humor, but there is nothing humorous about watching your little boy go through something like that. It's terrifying. Michael has an abundance of food allergies that require a special diet. He is allergic to eggs, wheat, milk and soy. His diet consists primarily of fresh fruits, vegetables and meats. Nothing processed that contains preservatives. After today, I guess we can add nuts to the long list of banned foods.
Thankfully Michael never had trouble breathing at the minor emergency center, and his "medicine" consists of Pepcid and Clarinex. In just a few short hours after the incident, Michael was back to his old self running around the house imitating Power Rangers (his new fascination) and hiding from Mommy and Daddy in the closet -- It's our job to go find him and say "boo!" A simple game that never gets old, and never fails to deliver unabashed glee from the little guy.
All things considered, we're doing all right at the castle this evening. Michael is sporting dashing new underwear and fully recovered from what shall henceforth be known as "the nut incident." Just another spin around the sun while living the dream.
Be good kiddies!
- Dave
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Cabin Fee-vah
Son of a #@%&* I did it again! I somehow slipped into a trance, spent an hour or so on YouTube watching Eddie Vedder videos, and then went and purchased more CD's. All this after ranting and raving against this very practice on this very blog just a week ago (for a lengthy YouTube rant, check out the posting "Shake along with me").
I know. I can't believe it either!
I thought I had matured over these many hours. Thought I had grown as a person, found my Zen, strayed from the dark side. I thought I could trust myself to simply "look and not touch." To resist the urge to spend money that I don't even have. (By the way, if you're reading this April, hon, this is all an elaborate lie. I wouldn't do something like that. Honest. What do you mean I'm sweating?).
I know now I have a problem. I need counseling, and therapy, and other stuff that will get me out of the house. I must say, however, that this unforgivable act is not entirely my fault. I place part of the blame squarely on Mother Nature's shoulders. That's right, Mother Nature.
Follow me on this.
You see, the temperature this past week has hovered around Antarctic levels. There is ice, snow and plenty of other really, really cold stuff. Last night it got so bad that my husky dog Kiki took one look outside and responded with "Whoa man, I'm not crazy enough to go out in that!" It snowed all night long in freezing temperatures, creating a nice system of ice rinks where the roads used to be. Michael and I were preparing to visit Grandma's house this morning, but when the Zamboni drove by, I opted against it.
Basically Michael and I have been stuck in the house this entire week. Making matters even more exciting is the fact that Michael's nose has apparently sprung a leak. He's been following me around all day chanting the mantra "wanna kleenex" over and over. It's actually quite amazing to watch the sheer amount of, um, liquid gooeyness that escapes from a toddler's nose. Simply astounding!
So anyway, between wiping my son's nose and reading the newspaper, I became somewhat restless. My legs revolted and began walking toward the computer. "No legs!" I shouted. "You know I can't be trusted with that evil machine." The legs never listen. They plopped me down in front of the screen, and soon my hands bolted to life and clicked on the YouTube site. The rest, as they say, is history.
I am ashamed. Ashamed I tell you!! If only it were sunny. Things would be different. It's a scientific fact that people never make unwarranted CD purchases after watching YouTube when the sun is shining. At least it should be a fact!
All I can do now is drown in my sorrows while waiting for my CD's to arrive in up to three business days. Oh, and give my legs a stern talking to!
Be good kiddies!
- Dave
I know. I can't believe it either!
I thought I had matured over these many hours. Thought I had grown as a person, found my Zen, strayed from the dark side. I thought I could trust myself to simply "look and not touch." To resist the urge to spend money that I don't even have. (By the way, if you're reading this April, hon, this is all an elaborate lie. I wouldn't do something like that. Honest. What do you mean I'm sweating?).
I know now I have a problem. I need counseling, and therapy, and other stuff that will get me out of the house. I must say, however, that this unforgivable act is not entirely my fault. I place part of the blame squarely on Mother Nature's shoulders. That's right, Mother Nature.
Follow me on this.
You see, the temperature this past week has hovered around Antarctic levels. There is ice, snow and plenty of other really, really cold stuff. Last night it got so bad that my husky dog Kiki took one look outside and responded with "Whoa man, I'm not crazy enough to go out in that!" It snowed all night long in freezing temperatures, creating a nice system of ice rinks where the roads used to be. Michael and I were preparing to visit Grandma's house this morning, but when the Zamboni drove by, I opted against it.
Basically Michael and I have been stuck in the house this entire week. Making matters even more exciting is the fact that Michael's nose has apparently sprung a leak. He's been following me around all day chanting the mantra "wanna kleenex" over and over. It's actually quite amazing to watch the sheer amount of, um, liquid gooeyness that escapes from a toddler's nose. Simply astounding!
So anyway, between wiping my son's nose and reading the newspaper, I became somewhat restless. My legs revolted and began walking toward the computer. "No legs!" I shouted. "You know I can't be trusted with that evil machine." The legs never listen. They plopped me down in front of the screen, and soon my hands bolted to life and clicked on the YouTube site. The rest, as they say, is history.
I am ashamed. Ashamed I tell you!! If only it were sunny. Things would be different. It's a scientific fact that people never make unwarranted CD purchases after watching YouTube when the sun is shining. At least it should be a fact!
All I can do now is drown in my sorrows while waiting for my CD's to arrive in up to three business days. Oh, and give my legs a stern talking to!
Be good kiddies!
- Dave
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